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Page 6
A Scramble In Time
Chapter 6: A Twist in the Tale: Operation Schpice Girls Opens the Gates to Confusion
By Feldmarshall Edwin Rommel
"Zorry to bother Herr General, but zhese messages have been piling up, und it seems zhat some answers are needed- zhey are all sorted in ze order in vhich zhey have arrived."
It is two days later. Rommel is still recovering from the effects of the Berlin meeting, and has not yet been awake long enough to do any real work. He looks at the pile of messages, and then back at the orderly.
"I vould need zome coffee- und how far is ze tailor mit ze adjustments to mein new greatcoat- it is cold in here!"
"Ze greatcoat vould be back zhis afternoon- Frau Kugelblitz is vorking on it- und……und.."
"Yes vhot?"
"She respectfully requests if she might have her nightgown back if ze General vould not need it anymore- but ze General may keep ze schlippers as long as he wishes"
"But of course- here"- Rommel shrugs out of the pink woolly garment and hands it to the orderly- "Mach schnell on ze coffee!"
As the orderly leaves, Rommel picks up the pile of messages and starts reading
DTG: Monday 05H50 Z From: Wehr Hauptkwartier, Berlin Rommel- Just ein message to thank you und ze Sonder Funkgerat Erprobungs Gruppe (Sfeg) personally for ze information. Ve vill be schending ein supply truck mit new laboratory coats, some captured Tommy toilet paper und type IV gate hinges to you as a token of appreciation. Signed: General Bosch
DTG: Monday 06H00 Z From: Wehr Hauptkwartier, Berlin BLITZ BERICHT Ze Adler has landed, Ze Adler has landed. Ve believe kontact mit Graf Hamilton ist imminent. We vill be offering to help ze Tommies to protect zheir interests against ze Americans in zhere Operation Schpice girls. In turn we vill negotiate ze peace in ze West. Signed: General Bosch
DTG: Monday 06H30 Z From: Abwehr Hauptkwartier, Cologne eW evah tsuj deveicer nie egassem morf eno fo rou stnega ni dnalgnE potchs eH stroper tahz ez seimmoT nowk gnihton touba ez noitarepo eciphcs slrig pothcs sihZ egassem lliw tcurtsed ni net setunim pothcs
"Ach himmel- zhey left ze encoder engaged again!- Better put it on von side- zhese things from ze secret service sometimes catch fire"- He puts the message in the ashtray on his desk.
DTG: Monday 06H45 Z From: Kamfgruppe Schperber Hauptkwartier, Dunkerque, Occupied France Bitte zenden at least 2000 tents to Dunkerque. Deutches soldaten und tanks are komming here from all over- zhey vhere told to kome here und vait- Please zend food und benzin as vell- enough for 1900 men und 70 panzers- Ach make zhat 1950 men und 81 panzers- und hich octane fuel fur 35 flugzeuge
DTG: Monday 07H50 Z From: Wehr Hauptkwartier, Berlin Rommel- any more newz from Sfeg about Operatzion Schpice Girls? Signed: General Bosch
DTG: Monday 08H50 Z From: Wehr Hauptkwartier, Berlin Rommel- any more newz from Sfeg about Operatzion Schpice Girls? Signed: Oberst Bosch
DTG: Monday 09H50 Z From: Wehr Hauptkwartier, Berlin Rommel- any more newz from Sfeg about Operatzion Schpice Girls? Signed: Major Bosch
DTG: Monday 10H20 Z From: Telefunken technical representative- Network maintenance. Zhis ist ein zystems test at ze request of Wehr Hauptkwartier, Berlin. Pleaze zend ein message to confirm receipt of zhis note.
DTG: Monday 12H45 Z From: Kamfgruppe Schperber Hauptkwartier, Dunkerque, Occupied France Err- make zhat 5000 tents und 7000 litres of diesel und 12 000 litres of high octane aircraft bezin. Ve now have 4900 men und 300 panzers und 93 flugzeuge- Vhot ist going on?
The message in the ashtray erupts in a bright blue flame leaving a sulphurous smell. Rommel grins at his own cleverness for leaving it in the ashtray..
DTG: Monday 13H40 Z From: Wehr Hauptkwartier, Berlin BLITZ BERICHT Ze Adler has been captured, Ze Adler has been captured. A secret agent in England has just contacted the Abwehr to report that Rudolph Hess has been captured by ze Tommies- Zhis is not altogether bad, since he would probably be able to make contact mit ze Tommy high command easier. Any more news on ze progress of Operation Schpice Girls? Signed: Hauptman Bosch
DTG: Monday 013H41 Z From: Abwehr Hauptkwartier, Cologne Rou tnega ni dnalngE syas hploduR sseH sah neeb derutpac yb ez seimmoT pothcs sihz si ton rehtegotla dab pothcs eh dlouw ylbaborp eb elba ot ekam tcatnoc tim ez ymmoT hgih dnammoc reisae pothcs sihz egassem lliw tcurtsed ni net setunim pothcs
Rommel blows the ashes from his ashtray and leaves the new Abwehr message in the vacated space.
DTG: Monday 17H40 Z From: Wehr Hauptkwartier, Berlin Tezting tezting von tzwo three- Rommel are you receiving uz? Signed: Hauptman Bosch
DTG: Monday 19H45 Z From: Kamfgruppe Schperber Hauptkwartier, Dunkerque, Occupied France VOULD VON OF YOU BASTARDS AT ZE HAUPTKWARTIER ANZSWER OUR REKWEST- VHOT IZT GOING ON?- Send 25000 tents und 57000 litres of diesel und 120 000 litres of high octane aircraft bezin. Ve now have 19 000 men und 1300 panzers und 793 flugzeuge- Vhot ze hell ist going on- ALL VE RECEIVED FROM YOU IST VON LOUSY TRUCK MIT 40 WHITE COATS UND 10 ROLLS OF SCHEISS PAPER UND 3300 Mk IV GATE HINGES- VHOT IZT GOING ON?
DTG: Monday 20H40 Z From: Wehr Hauptkwartier, Berlin Tezting tezting von tzwo three- Rommel are you receiving uz? I am going off duty now- If I come back tomorrow and you have not yet anzwered mein messages I vill drive to dein Sfeg Hauptkwartier meinselbst to zee vhot ist going on- before I am buzted back to ze private! Signed: Feldwebhel Bosch
Rommel is interrupted by a flustered Leutenant. "Herr General- I am zo very zorry to bother you, but ve have ein convoy at ze main gate mit ein delivery for us. Where do ve put ze tents, und I am at ze loss as to vhere ve vill go mit ze 10 000 litres of Diesel und 20 000 litres of high-octane benzin. Und zhey also have 7600 Mark IV gate hinges for us"
"Ach Sheiss - I come- I can go und pick up mein new greatcoat from Frau Kugleblitz at ze same time, I need ein break from all zhis reading anyway."
Half an hour later, the convoy has been turned around and now headed for Kamfgruppe Schperber in Dunkerque. Rommel feels quite good about the liberated greatcoat. Frau Kugelblitz did a great job in letting out the seams and lengthening the sleeves. The bit of tweed material that she inserted does not look too bad. He heads back to the office to read some more messages.
As he leaves, Frau Kugelblitz lovingly irons the laundry label with the initials A H, Office 1, Reichstag that she removed from the inside of Rommel's "liberated" greatcoat. She then slips it inside a cellophane wrapper and adds it to her collection of war memorabilia. Already in the old shoe-box is a piece of pink woolly material annotated "From a night-gown once worn by Feldmarshall Rommel". There is also a piece of scorched laboratory coat with a few flecks of blood on it with the annotation " A piece of the coat worn by mein husband Doktor ing. Hanz Kugelblitz vhen he discovered ze way to detect magnetic/electric atmospheric anomalies".
As Rommel rounds the corner he sees smoke billowing from his office- a line of soldiers are throwing buckets of water through the door at the burning stack of messages.
"Himmel- I vish ze Abwehr vould schtop sending zhose messages!"
Meanwhile far away in England, Colonel Maurice Buckmaster of the *** has just finished interrogating Rudolph Hess. He walks out of the interrogation room and addresses his old ally from Scotland Yard. "Bloody Hell, Inspector Catchemfaster- I am quite convinced he is totally insane- invade America- have you ever heard of anything so weird? I have heard of the "Land Girls" before, never heard of the Schpice Girls, and what is this story about a "MACARENA?"- I am convinced that they have flipped over in Jerry-land. I hear that they are withdrawing on all fronts- I wonder what the blazes are going on old boy?"
And near Dunkerque, 1 700 000 men are trying to make themselves comfortable among 2700 tanks trying to occupy the same area. Overhead air traffic are stacked 20 layers deep, running out of fuel, and desperately trying to find somewhere to land. From the north-east, a long convoy of trucks carrying tents, food and fuel is approaching. To add to the confusion, they also have 12 300 Mark IV gate hinges. Dust on the horizons to the north, east and south shows that even more men and material is on their way to the already congested area.
Near Berlin Private Bosh has just started to walk in the direction of the Harz mountains. He is a very, very angry man.
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